September 21, 2011

With thanks and gratitude

Strolling in San Diego. Eric Coover, Byron, Marina, Jim & Kathy Coover (co-founders of Isagenix)
I love this photo taken of us with the Coovers.  Here Byron and I had the opportunity to personally thank the Coovers for their generousity for paying for our airfare and accommodations on top of the already generous prize money.  We so appreciated the opportunity to go to San Diego and to take in this event.  It was life-altering.  And to think I almost didn't even make it to San Diego. 

This photo represents a happy ending to a very tumultuous start.

The little known behind the scenes events  prior to this week.  One month earlier the phone rings.  The callers tell me I have won First place for the Women's Age 50+ for the Isagenix Isabody Challenge.  I was speechless. It all sounded so exciting. And then, after I  hung up .... reality set in.  Recovering from being agoraphobic (fear of being in public places) panic attacks, anxiety attacks, debilitating obsessive compulsive behaviour and all the rest of it, I was thinking how am I going to manage airports, airplanes, people, large numbers of people, cameras, hotels and staying away from home.  This whole thing was loaded with potential "triggers" for me. It was a veritable landmine of triggers. Crying.  Upset.  Anxiety going through the roof, I told my husband I am not going.  Emphatically.  Not going.

Less than  24 hours later .  I wasn't feeling so great.  This progresses to pain so intense I was writhing on the floor delirious with pain.  Sick. sick. sick.  I thought I was having a really bad anxiety attack. Finally... ambulance... hospital and emergency surgery for a gangrenous gallbladder.  Yep gangrene.

I was given very strict instructions. I am not allowed to do anything for 6 weeks.  NOTHING.  6 weeks!  And the trip was in less than 4 weeks.  I am thinking people have gall bladder surgery all the time, what's this 6 weeks business.  (Well, apparently when things get to the point of gangrene, that involves trickier surgery, a longer hospital stay and a longer recovery time.)  RATS!!

A short while after surgery I was getting acupressure.  Rosemary, working her magic touch, told me the gall bladder represented control.  I started to laugh.  I am a control freak!!!  I am forever trying to control everyone and everything.  Isn't it interesting that when things were so beyond my control, winning the prize, and having other people in control of booking flights, booking hotels, planning my schedule etc.etc. within hours of hearing this news, my gall bladder packs it in.  Coincidence??!??  (Oprah  says there is no such thing as a coincidence.)

Meanwhile, my husband, inspired by what he has read about the upcoming celebration event in  San Diego, has declared he really wants to go.  Me, I 'm thinking ... nope.  Not going to happen.

So now, not only am I recovering from surgery, but things start to percolate within, and I am being triggered on many different levels regarding previous trauma that occurred in my past, resulting in counseling sessions and other appointments.  I was working through some BIG issues.  In fact one issue was my deepest issue with my worst shame.  It was huge. 

But here's the thing.  I worked through it.  It was such a relief to finally deal with it.  A huge burden was lifted.   Prize money aside, I am forever grateful for winning this trip to San Diego for  the enormous healing opportunity this provided me to face my stuff and move forward.   It was extraordinary.  You can't put a dollar amount on that kind of healing.  It is priceless.  And here I thought I started Isagenix just to lose weight.    Who knew.

P.S.  It wasn't until only a few days before I was supposed to leave that I actually thought, okay I can do this,  I am going. (Byron almost went on his own.)  And am I ever glad I did what I needed to do to get myself through what I needed to work through, to get myself there.    I was so outside my comfort zone.  It was truly a case of feel the fear and do it anyhow.  And I did it.  Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

1 comment:

Muddaritaville said...

Hi Marina, I am just about to listen to your conference call with Isagenix but I wanted to let you know I just found your blog and I look forward to hearing more about you and your journey. Your pictures are amazing, you look so much happier and younger!
I'm going to have similar results, I started Isagenix 3 weeks ago, I turned 50 this year and I am on medication for panic attacks. (just a brief overview of my story)

I also have a blog I have started to document my journey.